I've been thinking about love recently. Actually I think about love a lot of the time. I don't mean just romantic love, but all the various expressions of love. I think about how love shows up in life, work, relationships and experiences.
Love is a decision. Rumi, one of the most revered Persian poets from the 13th century expressed his deep sentiments on love through his writing. One of my favorites from him is "Love risks everything, and asks for nothing". Beautiful!
Some days love seems easy and feels natural. When we are greeted with kindness, respect and help from others, it is easy to love. Yet most days include encounters with people and situations that do not make loving easy at all. Is it possible to love in every situation? Is it possible to love the way Rumi describes, to love fully and ask for nothing in return?
I have been working with my life coach, Paula, for several years, and she has supported me through some of the most significant changes in my life. We have worked together on my goals and I have achieved much in my time working with her. But what has been more important than any goal has been the internal work, the changes within my mind, heart and soul. I am talking about a deeper transformation that has happened within, which goes way beyond the external success in life. The most powerful coaching for me has centered around shifting my interior, which then has a huge effect on everything else in my life. One of the intentions I worked on with Paula was to love well. I wanted to understand how to love purely, authentically, boldly and unselfishly. We spent time in our coaching sessions exploring love, what it meant, why it was important, what was holding me back from loving and meditating on it in every way. A mantra came out of our coaching session one day and it is one I took away as a reminder of who I want to be. The phrase is "what would love do"?
What would love do? This is a powerful question. If I want to be love, and therefore love is personified, what would love do? When deciding how to respond to situations and people, I have a ton of choices. We all do! I don't always know what to do, but this question points me toward the answer and a response that puts me in alignment with who I want to be. What would love do in this situation?
There are so many experiences I have had with people who have not loved me well. If I asked you to tell me how you have been wronged in your life, you could easily recall small and horrific things people have done to you over the years. We could all write an entire book of experiences that would describe how we have been hurt, manipulated, cheated, lied to, abused, mistreated, abandoned, and violated in all kinds of ways. I feel certain that if you told me your story, that is, the truth of what you have experienced in life, I would weep with you. Our hurts warrant weeping. There is a time and a place for weeping, but love is always an available choice.
"Put on love." This is a phrase that was written by Paul, the brilliant and famous follower of Jesus, whose writings are incredibly profound. Paul describes the act of putting on love, like a garment. It is like getting dressed each day. We choose what we wear and we can put on love, metaphorically, along with our other clothing as we prepare for what the day may bring.
What would love do? Love is action. I have learned so much about love through the kindness, generosity and loyalty of others. Love was a card with words of hope from a friend. Love was a ride from the airport after a long trip. Love was a surprise party to celebrate my newfound freedom, following a destructive relationship. People have been love to me in so many kind, generous and humbling ways.
Love is more than kindness, compassion and generosity. Love is truth and justice. Love is also fierce, strong, and bold. Sometimes love includes war. It is about protecting from harm, and fighting for justice. I have learned about this kind of love too. I saw what it was to rescue girls from brothels, to free families enslaved for generations, to remove a child from an abusive parent and hold the violators accountable for their destructive behavior. Love is protection.
I have just begun to uncover what it means to love. I want to be love, in every way. What does love look like today?
I want to BE love. This is the highest calling.
Monday, July 24, 2017
Thursday, July 13, 2017
Slow down to speed up
I just returned from a trip to North Carolina where I visited family and friends. It was awesome. I spent time with my parents, my brother and his family and some of my best friends. We caught up on life and shared dreams, food, music, laughter and our latest endeavors, struggles and victories.
One of the highlights for me was going to a Durham Bulls game. It rained nearly the whole time, but we all cozied up under a shelter eating tacos and drinking great beer. At one point I laughed until tears streamed from my eyes as my friends cracked jokes. In fact, I think I laughed more than I have in years, throughout the 5 day trip.
Another highlight was attending a community event to honor veterans and celebrate freedom. It was held at a church in Pfafftown, NC where I grew up. Local residents brought their own chairs, ate hotdogs and watermelon, and drank sodas that were chilled in a baby pool filled with ice water. Most people drove their cars and trucks to the old church and parked in the grassy open spaces. Some walked. However, one young man drew my attention as he arrived late, pulling up on his noisy tractor which had an american flag on each side. The dramatic entrance made me think that, surely, he was part of the ceremony. But no, he simply parked the tractor next to the other vehicles and joined the crowd.
My Dad was one of the event speakers, and I had the privilege of being there to hear him. He shared some history about the community, the church and his perspective on growing up in that rural town. He spoke about being in Vietnam, the prayers he prayed for safety and his gratitude for the life he has been given.
After arriving back home in Alexandria, VA, I sought to get back to my task list... and it was long. I am launching a life coaching business and there are a bazillion things I could focus on, all of which seem important. After a few phone calls and attending a coaching webinar, I revisited my task list. It was far too long, and felt overwhelming. I decided to get some exercise to clear my head. I bounced down the 8 flights of stairs from my apartment to the ground floor, and before exiting the side door of the building, I stopped in the stairway. I knew I needed to take a moment to pause before rushing outside. I closed my eyes, took several deep breaths and spent a moment in meditation.
"Slow down to speed up." This is the phrase that came up for me. I don't know where I first heard this concept, and I can't say I even understand it well. Instead of going for a run, I walked. I breathed deeply and continued to seek guidance and understanding as I journeyed. The word "focus" came up for me, and I knew this meant that I needed to slow down and focus in order to move forward with any kind of effectiveness.
As I walked, I tried to be present to what was around me. I looked at the people passing on the sidewalk, many of whom probably work at the US Patent and Trademark office across the street from where I live. I admired the leaves on the trees and the beautiful variety of flowers, carefully landscaped outside of the buildings. I felt the thick, humid air and the sweat that dripped down my back. I looked up at the scaffolding that surrounded the pho restaurant on the corner, and a sign that said "men at work". I saw no one working. Maybe they were on an adventure too:).
I kept walking and ended up at one of my favorite landmarks in the area- the masonic temple. It is a massive structure that can be seen across the region and has been my visual for navigating toward home for the last 4 years. I climbed up those majestic steps to the viewpoint that allows me to see into VA, DC and MD simultaneously. I walked out onto a stone platform and began to do yoga- stretching, lifting my body, and holding postures. At one point I laid on my back and stared up into the sky, watching the clouds move slowly across the blue canvas. I grinned to myself as I considered what the Masons would think of me doing yoga at their temple. There are actual signs around the area that prohibit any kind of fun (more on that later).
I came back from my workout with more clarity and a "knowing" that, indeed I must slow down. I circled back to someone who I had pushed to schedule our coaching calls more quickly. I revisited our timeline and let her know that I am just fine with our current pace. We need not push, force or rush the process. Slow down. Embrace the moments. Be present. Be peace.
There is a slowing down that is needed in order to be present to the heart, mind and spirit. Being present to my own heart, mind and spirit allows me to be more fully present to another. And we desperately need each other's presence. "Slow down"...I repeat to myself. Slow down to speed up.
One of the highlights for me was going to a Durham Bulls game. It rained nearly the whole time, but we all cozied up under a shelter eating tacos and drinking great beer. At one point I laughed until tears streamed from my eyes as my friends cracked jokes. In fact, I think I laughed more than I have in years, throughout the 5 day trip.
Another highlight was attending a community event to honor veterans and celebrate freedom. It was held at a church in Pfafftown, NC where I grew up. Local residents brought their own chairs, ate hotdogs and watermelon, and drank sodas that were chilled in a baby pool filled with ice water. Most people drove their cars and trucks to the old church and parked in the grassy open spaces. Some walked. However, one young man drew my attention as he arrived late, pulling up on his noisy tractor which had an american flag on each side. The dramatic entrance made me think that, surely, he was part of the ceremony. But no, he simply parked the tractor next to the other vehicles and joined the crowd.
My Dad was one of the event speakers, and I had the privilege of being there to hear him. He shared some history about the community, the church and his perspective on growing up in that rural town. He spoke about being in Vietnam, the prayers he prayed for safety and his gratitude for the life he has been given.
After arriving back home in Alexandria, VA, I sought to get back to my task list... and it was long. I am launching a life coaching business and there are a bazillion things I could focus on, all of which seem important. After a few phone calls and attending a coaching webinar, I revisited my task list. It was far too long, and felt overwhelming. I decided to get some exercise to clear my head. I bounced down the 8 flights of stairs from my apartment to the ground floor, and before exiting the side door of the building, I stopped in the stairway. I knew I needed to take a moment to pause before rushing outside. I closed my eyes, took several deep breaths and spent a moment in meditation.
"Slow down to speed up." This is the phrase that came up for me. I don't know where I first heard this concept, and I can't say I even understand it well. Instead of going for a run, I walked. I breathed deeply and continued to seek guidance and understanding as I journeyed. The word "focus" came up for me, and I knew this meant that I needed to slow down and focus in order to move forward with any kind of effectiveness.
As I walked, I tried to be present to what was around me. I looked at the people passing on the sidewalk, many of whom probably work at the US Patent and Trademark office across the street from where I live. I admired the leaves on the trees and the beautiful variety of flowers, carefully landscaped outside of the buildings. I felt the thick, humid air and the sweat that dripped down my back. I looked up at the scaffolding that surrounded the pho restaurant on the corner, and a sign that said "men at work". I saw no one working. Maybe they were on an adventure too:).
I kept walking and ended up at one of my favorite landmarks in the area- the masonic temple. It is a massive structure that can be seen across the region and has been my visual for navigating toward home for the last 4 years. I climbed up those majestic steps to the viewpoint that allows me to see into VA, DC and MD simultaneously. I walked out onto a stone platform and began to do yoga- stretching, lifting my body, and holding postures. At one point I laid on my back and stared up into the sky, watching the clouds move slowly across the blue canvas. I grinned to myself as I considered what the Masons would think of me doing yoga at their temple. There are actual signs around the area that prohibit any kind of fun (more on that later).
I came back from my workout with more clarity and a "knowing" that, indeed I must slow down. I circled back to someone who I had pushed to schedule our coaching calls more quickly. I revisited our timeline and let her know that I am just fine with our current pace. We need not push, force or rush the process. Slow down. Embrace the moments. Be present. Be peace.
There is a slowing down that is needed in order to be present to the heart, mind and spirit. Being present to my own heart, mind and spirit allows me to be more fully present to another. And we desperately need each other's presence. "Slow down"...I repeat to myself. Slow down to speed up.
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